Jeremy,
I would hope you have the fortitude to make lemonade when life has handed you some lemons. Since you're married, I know you know this.
If the motor has not turned over, this is all a learning exercise without much money -- just your time -- and most lady spouses understand the only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys.
And as toys go, the Rocket is one of the best -- about half the cost of other fancy cruisers in its class (tell her that), far better value, and fairly easy to work on.
FWIW, I will be changing the cams on my bike in short order, with your concerns a large subset of my concerns.
I urge you -- please do not be sick -- please change your outlook -- you will get through this and will be smarter and more confident in yourself and the bike going forward.
Yes, please keep asking your questions -- we all learn from the process, and this group is one of the best places to do it, if you allow a good helping of patience.
Don't fret.
Cheer up.